After spending some time with my grandmother discussing dating and such, I’ve come to the completely unscientific and most likely false conclusion that romantical preferences are a hereditary curse. I also did a Bible study this past summer that suggested there might be some truth to this theory. Though the study was more about bearing the emotional burdens of our mothers and their mothers before them, naturally some of this translates into how we approach our relationships. It suggested that even though we may not have some life-altering traumatic experiences in our lifetime, the damage inflicted on the women in our blood lines before us may spill over into our lives without our knowledge or permission.
Much like many of my fellow Americans, I found the build up to (and now the post-coverage of) the royal nuptials unnecessary, superfluous and just plain too much. I had no intention of waking up before what is a reasonable time for any human being who is not a baker to watch England’s heir marry his shining new princess. I understood the historical aspect of it and the 23 million Americans who did tune in thoroughly enjoyed the experience, but it wasn’t of great concern to me. In fact, I had completely forgotten about it on Friday morning until I flipped on the TV per my morning news routine. And there she was on the balcony of Buckingham Palace. A glowing young woman pretty in a way that is completely relatable. Beaming at her new husband in her Grace Kelly-esque wedding gown.
Many moons ago, shortly after the inception of this blog, I wrote about the idea of becoming the men we want to marry. The idea was reintroduced to my musings in a Vogue excerpt by Anne Roiphe. She recently released “Art and Madness” in which she chronicles her destructive quest to love a man who embodied everything she loved about art and literature (and some of the things she hated). She longed to be a part of the fascinating world of authors and she thought the only way to gain access was by becoming the muse of a man. She would ultimately realize that by becoming the man she had hoped he was, she could be a part of this world on her own accord.
I’ve been surrounded by the topic of the big D lately. At the ripe old age of 26, I’ve already witnessed the matrimonial demise of a few former classmates. It’s been discussed and analyzed endlessly on blogs, point/counterpoint podcasts and magazine articles. Everyone seems to have an opinion about it and what it means for the state of (or rather the futility of) marriage. The ever-misrepresented divorce rates have served as the cornerstone argument for those who view marriage as an antiquated institution. But I don’t think anyone can make a single blanket statement that is true for everyone.
After my brother’s wedding this weekend, I’m inclined to set aside the cynicism and bitter quips for one night and wax romantic. So often weddings are sprinkled with skeptical musings and fatal predictions of cynical naysayers, but this wasn’t the case at this particular wedding. Not a single person could help but express with unfaltering confidence that they truly believed this couple had found something lasting and sincere in each other. If and when I find my spouse I can only hope to have a relationship like theirs.
Gloria Steinem once observed, “Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.” This is something I’ve discovered and embraced recently. Beyond the idea of feminism and the independent woman, this can go a long way toward ensuring your happiness as an individual. I noticed that when a relationship ended I often missed not only the person but the things that they brought to the relationship that I lacked in both characteristics and interests as well.
’ve noticed recently that, in all the conversations I’ve had with people who have been married for anywhere between 10 to 50 years, I’ve never heard a single one of them say they wish they had gotten married earlier. I have, however, heard a number of these people say they wish they hadn’t gotten married so soon. These sentiments have come from people who are extremely happy in their marriage, those who are miserable and those who are somewhere in between. Many express regrets.