When It All Falls Apart

I've talked about my moments of weakness in the past. Those times when my world comes down and I want nothing more than to curl up in the arms of someone who loves me. Someone in whom I can find security. That longing hit me hard when I lost my job last week. I had been so focused on being independent and taking care of myself that I didn’t realize how quickly it could unravel. One of the first things that crossed my mind, I’m ashamed to say, was wishing I was married.

Having a spouse would make this entire experience less terrifying. At least I would have someone to come home to. I could depend on his income while I searched for a new position. I would have his constant support as I approached each new interview. I admit this perspective makes it seem like I view marriage as a twisted career fallback plan, but you’d be surprised what desperate things go through your head when everything you define your independence by disappears. I admittedly put too much of myself into my career in terms of letting it define who I am as a successful individual and the unpleasant news rattled my ego and identity to the core.

So with a heavy heart, I drug my unemployed, single soul to the one place where I knew I would feel completely secure. I pulled into my parents’ driveway and entered into a world of escape that would bolster my spirits and repair my broken psyche. It only took one day in this haven to I realize that, despite my unmarried state, I am far from single and alone. I have been blessed with a family who offers all the support and security I need. I began to understand once again that sympathetic parents and caring siblings were all I could really need.

My family still sees me as a talented and capable individual. They made me realize that just because I ended up in an unfortunate circumstance does not mean I am incapable of success. Their willingness to support me on every level put my mind at ease and prepared me for the next steps I would have to take to get back on my feet and conquer the new challenges I’m bound to face in the coming months.

As my head cleared and rationale returned I knew that a wedding ring doesn’t guarantee security or support. I am in a much better position than the married women who come home to distant and selfish husbands. Though I am jobless I can focus all of my attention on doing what it takes to recover and not have to worry about what my current state of unemployment might do to compound preexisting marital difficulties.

This is not to say that as I continue on this new, uncertain leg of my journey I won’t envy individuals who made it through similar periods of their lives with the support and love of a caring spouse, but I absolutely know I will be ok and likely even better when it all comes back together again.