The Case of the Vanishing Coward

I don’t go into dating situations expecting much. Maybe it’s because I’m realistic or maybe I’m just jaded. However, I don’t think it’s too much to expect someone to have enough consideration and respect for another human being to give them a courtesy call, e-mail or text when they no longer wish to continue seeing them. I’m not asking for a detailed explanation as to why you want to end things, a simple “hey not really into you anymore” would be fine.

Choosing to ignore my calls, texts, Facebook messages, what have you, is immature and contemptible. Yet this was the route a guy I was recently dating chose. We had been seeing each other for about three months when frequent texts, phone calls and Facebook chats turned to crickets. It wasn’t as though we had only gone on one date. I had spent full days with him nearly every weekend for the past couple months, so I didn’t immediately get the hint when I didn’t hear much from him.

Listening to well-intentioned advice from optimistic friends, I continued to text him for about a week after his responses dropped off. It’s not that the people who gave me this advice were naïve, it’s just that they couldn’t imagine why a grown man (he is almost 30) would end any sort of dating relationship in such an adolescent way.

I’m sure he and his friends found my efforts to contact him after he decided he was done with me to be desperate. However, that assessment is completely unfair because had I known that he was trying to extricate me from his life I wouldn’t have bothered with it. I ended up feeling like a complete fool through no fault of my own.

It’s not as though I am heartbroken over the situation, a soul mate this man is not (obviously), but my ego has taken an unnecessary blow. To think that someone would have the acrimony to be so discourteous to a person they obviously enjoyed spending time with at one time is wholly disheartening.

In my opinion if a person contacts you after even a first date, and you are no longer interested, the urbane and adult thing to do is be upfront and tell that other person how you feel. Anything less is utterly reprehensible.